Lizzi Von DooLittle (vondoolittle) wrote,
Lizzi Von DooLittle

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On the subject of Xmas Shopping...

I haven't done any yet.

Xmas shopping that is.

I don't want to, I can't be arsed, I'm too busy with Panto, I can't afford it...yada yada yada...

BUT there is one underlying reason for all of this...


And the utter yokel-local plebs crowding it atm.

As I posted in reply to etceterate, I don't think it's a symptom of getting old...I think it's a symptom of having to live in Plymouth...and the level of intellect/education/behaviour of your general pleb on the street.

They too, drive me utterly ballistic, especially when they leave their pasty-prints inside magazines, and stop dead in the street in front of you when you are in a hurry and dodging pushchairs and screaming child-bastards everywhere.

The way they shuffle along, like some zombie extra who escaped the Mall massacre...vacant expressions, ambling with no particular direction...drooling at the stalls selling 'xmass-y' food goods, filling their faces with Dewdneys and Oggy Oggy Pasty Shoppe fodder...long wide lines of families who never learnt to be courteous and let people pass on a narrow pavement...

Makes me want to turn Sergeant Major and teach them the sodding crocodile formation!!

Yes, the locals in this godforsaken arse-end of england are the one reason I haven't been in town to do ANY Xmas shopping yet...I don't want to. The idea of all those tards clogging up the place overladen with argos/index/toys'r'us bags, yelling at each other in a janner accent that gets my heckles up totally and their pasty-stuffed fat-faced yokel grins fills me with utter horror...

The whole xmas thing is getting to me atm...there's a 'german market', a 'craft market' (how very artsy of us...bloody retard city can only produce a Rembrandt copyist like Lankybitch and a 'Viz : Fat Slags' style artist to boot name of Beryl real talent here actually)...and all those god-awful children's rides that I want to crank up to warp 10 and watch them go round faster than the speed of light with their eyes melting and their mouths wide open screaming like Francis Bacon's Screaming Popes...rather than the slow crawl to match the town-pace...and that jangly, jolly xmas music...


Sometimes I wish I could cover the city centre in plastic and then gas the lot of them... Somewhat Nazi of me and totally against my general principals...but quite honestly, who would miss this city if I obliterated it off the face of the map??

I certainly wouldn't.

Ho least with the locals out of the way I could shop in peace, and not feel like I'm going out to war as soon as I get towards town...

One more shout of 'Oi, Goffek' from a random, retarded teenager when I am old enough to be their parent and demand respect and I'm going HUNGERFORD on everyone...

Shopping online is the way to go...but it's too late for that...



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