July 8th, 2004



Just one question to the men who read this diary...

Why is it, when life things get too stressful, do you automatically cut out the people who are in a position to give support?

Just that, sorry.


Things learnt yesterday:

To trust my gut instinct and not pass it off as 'periody paranoia' anymore. It's been right too many times now about many different things. Perhaps I'm psychic?!

Had just relearnt to open up and trust, been encouraged to, and have now relearned NOT to.

My boss at work, before she sent me off home sick at half past twelve, told me that I should learn not to let my feelings show in certain situations - call me cynical, but why should I not be honest about how I feel with things. Do I have to go through life all clammed up and unable to express myself??

Ho hum.

Weird thing is, whilst I am naturally rather upset about this (although not surprised given his circumstances) I'm not quite as upset as I expected I would be I don't think. Perhaps I've learnt to switch off? I'm only really getting mizzy if I stop to think about it or read over old emails.

Perhaps I didn't feel as much as I thought I did or wanted to? Perhaps I'm still dealing with feelings for the last one and was looking for a replacement?

Who knows. I certainly don't.

I have theatre tonight, more fun with masks huzzah!

I shall pick my own.

*dramatic door slamming exit*

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In Other News

Called in on Spikey and Gordon at 8pm yesterday. Spent 20 mins putting a snake through an 8ft tube. Nothing pervy about it. It's a californian king snake that Gordon is looking after. Twas funny. I love my friends:)

Duty Obs meeting was good - not going to quit. Finally we have some organisation and a greater team spirit.

I'm really looking forward to theatre tonight. I'm loving mask work...its a bit of a refresher from my A levels etc over 10 years ago, and I'm discovering I have a real affinity for it through my physical theatre training. Dead excited about play possibilities with it!!

Ok, I ought to get off now, I have a 240 quid mobile bill to deal with that I can't afford to pay. At least that's not going to happen again lolol!!

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