January 25th, 2004


Underwater soupy quiet...another long dark night:/

It's so dark and gloomy closed-in grey in here...I've lain in bed all day in a kind-of sleep that felt like being underwater...soupy, suffocated and black.

Was dreaming of a Weird Cabaret rehearsal in which I was free flying around the ceiling of the auditorium...trying not to bump into the lighting rig...and then of watching TV on a white plastic panel in the back of my Snoopy's head. Had to pull his left ear to turn the volume up...but it was a recording of a war news report and then a cartoon which replayed over and over and over...

Woke at 2am with a very overslept dizzy head and it hasn't really gone away. The tumble dryer is humming in the kitchen, the computer fan is buzzing, and the tv behind me is talking to itself...muted conversation and random jazz about a 'Harlem in the 60's' art and social history programme.

I've just turned my back on it after spending a few hours watching The Art Show, 4 shorts on Andy Warhol and then a programme on Mark Rothko's Seagram Murals.

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I've smoked a bit too much and am severely in need of coffee or tea...but I've run out of milk. There is no food in the cupboard unless I make some pasta, and I'm hungry but too lacking in energy and have no impulse to cook anything...so I'm currently chewing my way through a dry weetabix.

I might make some porridge later...will have to use water but it tastes ok:/

Later on I may watch a doc on Glasgow's reputation for the Arts in the 1990's...and then at 6:30am : The Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show...after which I suppose I might go back to bed and read for a bit...

I'm bored and it's too spooky ooky quiet. Feels like the heavy silence of a doctor's waiting room (minus the token screaming child playing loudly with the toybox) or a long and sleepy train ride through lots of tunnels. Hanging in the air, looming...a smothering blanket of lethargy.

One of those nights where I wouldn't mind a bottle of red or two. I shouldn't have slept so late...now I feel like there is nothing to do, and no-one else alive in the whole world but me.

Grah!!! Streeeeeeeetch!! Yawn:/

*lights another cigarette*

Mercury Rev : Holes

time, all the long red lines
that take control
of all the smokelike streams
that flow into your dreams
that big blue open sea
that can't be crossed
that can't be climbed
just born between
oh the two white lines
distant gods and faded signs
of all those blinking lites
you had to pick the one tonite

holes, dug by little moles
angry jealous spies
got telephones for eyes
come to you as friends
all those endless ends
that can't be tied
oh they make me laugh
and always make me cry
'til they drop like flies
and sink like polished stones
of all the stones I throw
how does that old song go
how does that old song go

bands, those funny little plans
that never work quite right

Why is it that my randomised mp3 playlist seems to correlate so perfectly with my mood today?? So far it's been Mercury Rev, then Dead Can Dance...followed by NIN: Hurt, Johnny Cash: Personal Jesus, Nat King Cole: Nature Boy, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club: Love Burns, Cyber Axis: Can't Get You Out Of My Head, Dir En Grey: Ain't Afraid To Die...now it's Carl Orff: O Fortuna from Carmina Burana...

Oh dear, what a miserable selection:(

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    Mercury Rev : Holes